Inquietude
by ennabellapotter
Summary: It was ridiculous, really, prancing around her bedroom clad only in undergarments. The blasted things still had price tags hanging off them, price tags flaunting obscenely high prices prices she probably shouldn't have paid. Jily MA Oneshot


It was a Saturday night, and Lily Evans was worrying herself to death.

She stared at herself in the floor-length mirror, scrutinizing every angle of her reflection. She turned from side to side. She swiveled around and peeked over her shoulder. She twisted herself into a million different hand-on-hip poses. But _nothing_ she did eased the knot of nerves her stomach had tangled itself into. And no matter which direction she looked at herself from, she was unsatisfied.

It was ridiculous, really, prancing around her bedroom clad only in undergarments. The blasted things still had price tags hanging off them, price tags flaunting obscenely high prices − prices she really _shouldn't_ have paid.

Early that day she'd gone shopping with Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary in muggle London. Marlene had shoved them all into some bawdy lingerie boutique with a mischievous smile, babbling that they all needed to "treat themselves to something nice". Dorcas had immediately gravitated towards silk pajamas, Mary towards bras that promised to 'give the boost you've always dreamed of', and Marlene towards the racks of lace nighties. Which had left Lily to spin around helplessly, gawking at the startling number of crotch-less panties. The girls soon had armfuls of lacy somethings and were piling into the dressing rooms − that is, everyone expect Lily.

But Marlene had taken one look at her friend's empty hands and laughed. "Oh, no you don't, Evans," was what she'd said before forcing Lily to try on an endless string of lingerie, all of which either had too many ruffles, or not enough fabric, or too many ties, or not enough _crotch coverage_ , and all of which had made her feel as if she needed to go to church for several hours. The last thing Marlene had shoved at her had been a simple set of underwear comprised of plain black lace, no frill or sequin or strap, and Lily couldn't deny that it displayed her minimal assets to their best advantage. She'd had a shaky moment of imagining James seeing her in the set and had shivered. In the end, she'd consented reluctantly to buy the damned things, Dorcas' voice insistently harping, "I mean, hot _damn_ , Evans, I'd do you if you wore those around me".

And all this had led to her trying on the lingerie again in her bedroom later that night in the flat she shared with Marlene, who'd gone out for the night with some muggle bloke from down the hall.

Standing in front of the mirror, Lily felt unconfident. The lights in her room were harsher than the lights of the boutique had been, and every asset that had appeared advantageously displayed that morning seemed suddenly flawed by night. Had she honestly thought herself secure enough in herself to seduce James? To be _sexy_? It didn't help that he'd only seen her in underwear a handful of times, and had never seen her fully naked. They'd yet to sleep with each other.

She groaned, burying her face between splayed fingers. She wanted to have sex with him. Badly. There was physical chemistry between them that shimmered, always itching to explode. But she'd been holding off, wanting it to be right, because James was different than any other guy she'd dated. He was the real deal. And she didn't want to rush things. She'd slept with other guys, but it hadn't ever been anything special, and she was secretly doubtful she'd ever been pleasured correctly. The only confirmation she needed for the theory was that one heated look from James did more to her than any actual intercourse she'd ever had.

But standing in the shitty lighting of her bedroom, her tits looked kind of lopsided, her stomach a little too round, and she was suddenly daunted by the prospect of being near − let alone fully − naked in front of James.

 _I'm hopeless_ , she thought to herself, emerging from between her hands, shaking her head back at herself in the mirror. _Hopeless_.

And then her bedroom door burst open.

"Hey, Lils, what do you−"

Lily shrieked, spinning around. James skidded to a halt, midsentence, getting an eyeful of what she was wearing − or, better yet, what she _wasn't_ wearing.

"For fuck's _sake,_ James, ever think to knock?" Lily crossed her arms across her chest in a desperate attempt to cover herself, feeling insanely exposed, silently cursing friends that forced their friends to buy expensive lingerie.

James had the facial expression of a man that had almost been hit by a train. He swallowed, unevenly. "Um...what are you doing?"

Lily felt her cheeks flaming. "Um, I was just, um I'm "

"Lily _shit_ ," There was something exotic in James' eyes, something wild.

It was disarming.

Lily tried to feel anything besides embarrassed, shifting her weight awkwardly from one leg to the other. "Merlin's sake, I was just trying these stupid things on. I think I've got to return them in the morning."

"No!" James' voice was oddly strangled, his face a twist of anxiety. "You can't − Lily, my _god_ , you can't do that!"

Lily was of two minds: one part of her wanted to be completely confident and take advantage of the way his gaze roamed her, head to toe.

The other part of her felt like it would be an appropriate reaction to die of absolute shame on the spot.

Ultimately, she couldn't think straight enough to come to any conclusion. "James, will you please leave so I can put some clothes on?"

James ignored this request. "What's wrong?"

Lily bit her lip, clutching her hands tighter over her chest, sure that all of her skin had turned the exact shade of her crimson mane. Her toes curled against the wood floor. She shook her head."This was a horrible idea."

"What was?"

"These sodding things," she looked down at the abhorrent lingerie, shaking her head. "I just...I mean, I just...I thought..." She either hadn't noticed his approach or had willingly ignored it, but all of a sudden James was right in front of her, and she felt her skin heating for a reason entirely different than embarrassment. She looked up at him cautiously, her voice quiet. "I thought you would maybe like them."

"Merlin, you were _right_ about that," James' voice had dropped at least an octave, and Lily felt his proximity pulling her in as it always did, like there was a magnetic field between them.

But then she froze, suddenly, aware of the change in atmosphere and the implications of what was possibly about to happen, and − unsurprisingly − panicked. So she broke her gaze from James and backed into the wall behind her, bracing herself against it, avoiding his face.

"Lily?"

She didn't want to look at him, mortification clogging every exposed pore. She felt like a foolish schoolgirl instead of an adult woman. She ached to dispel the uncertainty inside her, pulling away at her self-image. "I'm sorry," she whispered to the ground. "I thought I'd be able to do this."

"You mean wear those?" James asked. "Or...wear those around me?"

Lily was overwhelmed by the gentleness of his voice, and for the second time that night found her face cradled in her hands. "Jesus, I know I don't look like all the other girls you've slept with, and I wish that I could look like that for you, and be...sexy...but I just don't think−"

"Lily, _fuck_ , are you kidding me?" James interrupted, and she felt him in front of her again, his hands brushing up her arms, latching onto her hands and prying them away from her. His hands framed her face, fingers smoothing across her cheeks. "I can't believe you'd say that, Lily, you're beautiful, Merlin, don't you know that?" She looked at him, her hands latching instinctively onto his wrists, her face a portrait of vulnerability. James searched his eyes over her features, desperate for a way to make her see what he saw. "I can't − _fuck_ , I can't recall a single other girl I've laid eyes on that compares to you, Lily. You're so gorgeous, this is my fault, I must not tell you that enough."

"It's not your fault, I'm just not−"

"Don't," James shook his head once, sharply. "Don't say you're _not_. You're _everything_ , Lily, _everything_."

She gripped his wrists tighter, and he slid closer to her until his body lined hers inch-for-inch, his hands dropping to rest at her hips, his forehead hitting the wall behind them. Lily closed her eyes, feeling his breath against her ear. "I came in here and saw you wearing this and nearly came in my pants, I'm not kidding."

Lily made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a moan.

James released her face, gently, and dragged his fingers up the length of her torso, slowly, sending a delicious shiver down her spine, his hand coming to rest beneath the swell of her breast, thumb slowly sweeping black lace. Lily felt her immediate reaction, flesh hardening beneath fabric. She tried but failed to swallow the strangled moan that followed.

"Don't you know what you do to me?" His breath was hot against her ear, and Lily couldn't stop herself from arching into him, her body following what it wanted, hands reaching forward to grasp his shirt, his fingers sliding from one breast to the other. His other hand slipped down and back, skimming her arse, his touch ghostly, searing. Lily's body arched into him further on its own account, and suddenly felt her stark effect on him, pressed hard against her thigh. "Do you feel how much I want you right now?"

Lily couldn't stop the groan that snuck up through her throat as he pushed his hips against hers. "Yes," she breathed, every sense clouded. James lifted his head from her shoulder and Lily's eyes fluttered open to meet his.

"I want you to feel beautiful," he whispered, his eyes sad.

"Then kiss me," Lily begged, quietly, the heat of the moment he'd created consuming her, her hands sliding up his neck and into his hair, pulling his lips onto hers.

The kissing began slowly, warmly, tongues drifting, stroking, adoring. James worked both hands up and down her back, gliding around her arse, bringing her flush against his pelvis. Lily's hands explored his hair, tugging him closer, her hips gliding against his in a tantalizingly slow rhythm. James left her lips to trace from her jaw to her neck with contact so soft it nearly didn't exist. Lily slid her hands from his neck to his shoulders, fingers splaying the solidity.

Their hips played a dangerous game. It was too much. Lily yanked his head back to hers, and James laughed at her impatience as she captured his lips in hers once more. She kissed him like he'd been gone for weeks and had just returned, possibly from a war. The heat of it was infectious. James stepped forward, everything feeling more urgent, his hands flush against her warm hips. He backed her completely against the wall, effectively trapping her between his mouth and insistent erection.

She couldn't help it. Lily's head was suddenly flooded with the image of him _filling_ her.

She gasped into his mouth, causing him to pull away, alarmed. "Lils?"

She could only stare up at him, his lips plump with the imprint of hers, dark hair sticking up every which way, eyes full of darkened gold; he was so _sexy_.

Every thought of returning expensive lingerie had fled effectively from her mind.

"I _want_ you."

James groaned, her words hitting him straight in the crotch. He grabbed her hands, striding backwards until his knees hit her bed, and he sat down, kicking off his shoes and socks. Lily's breaths came raggedly as she moved to stand between his legs, frantically reaching to pull his t-shirt over his head. He obliged by raising his arms, and when the shirt was gone her hands toppled across his shoulders, smoothing down his chest, her head falling to meet his as their lips intertwined. The kissing was suddenly frantic, frenzied, teeth and tongues tumbling. James let his hands wander her near-nakedness, roaming her back, her breasts, her thighs, every sweep of his hands causing Lily to move closer, till she was locked between his legs. She released his lips to let hers explore his face, his cheeks, his neck, his throat.

She wanted to kiss him everywhere, suddenly, so she shoved him back onto the bed. James smiled up at her wildly.

"C'mon, lay back," she laughed, urging him with her hands to scoot back further. "Quit grinning like an idiot."

James dropped the grin because she was suddenly climbing on top of him, reuniting their mouths with a fever that he'd never encountered in her before, and then, slowly, achingly, she was dragging her hips across his, the friction sweeter and more tortuous than either of them anticipated.

"Fuck, Lily," James gasped, her gyrations stealing the breath from his lungs. Lily took advantage of her vacant lips to dip her head against his neck, kissing her way downwards, tracing a path across his collarbones, over his chest, and down, down, down until her she was kissing slowly, tantalizingly, the skin right above his jeans, and he was groaning, loudly, groin burning in anticipation.

Emboldened by the sound of his pleasure, Lily unbuttoned his jeans, tugging them off, his underwear following, and then he was completely naked, and she looked up at him.

His eyes were wide.

He reached for her head and pulled her back to him, fiercely, flipping them over so he hovered above her, his mouth capturing hers. She reached between them and he didn't have time to protest before she'd taken his cock − swollen and waiting − in her hand. She rubbed his length, leisurely, methodically, a hand practiced at bringing him pleasure. He released her mouth will a moan that shuddered through him. "I won't last long if you keep that up," he growled into her shoulder. "I want you _naked_."

Lily's breath caught at his words, and James took her distraction as opportunity to wrap his arms around her back and pull them both upright into a kneeling position. He found the back of her bra and her eyes, which regarded him with the same vulnerability he wanted so urgently to extinguish. He released the clasp and slid the fabric off. Her hair, the deepest red, fell around her chest, a welcome adornment to the creamy pink flush of her breasts.

He worshipped her with his gaze. "Beautiful," he confirmed, and she tilted her head back as his lips covered the peaks, lavishing her with his tongue, her hands grasping his hair. One of his hands snuck down her stomach and slid over her panties, a feeling so sublime that Lily couldn't help but whimper, moving her hips against his hand unconsciously, needing friction, and he obliged by sliding fingers beneath lace. She was stunningly silky and warm. James groaned as he slipped his fingers through her curls to get deeper. "Jesus, Lils, so _wet_."

Lily was helpless in his hands. She was at the mercy of his tongue twirling her tits, his fingers dancing inside of her. It was too much. Her body was abuzz with sensation. She gripped his shoulders and his hair in uneven intervals, hanging on for her life, uncaring of the strength of her grasp or the sharpness of her fingernails. Logic had fled her mind, the only thoughts she could effectively process were his _hands_ , his _lips_ , _him_ , _him_ , _him_. She whimpered against the side of James' neck, pleading him with nonsense words, nothing as important as the field of stars he was pushing her towards, the glow that was spreading through every inch of her.

And then suddenly James took his fingers from her panties and his mouth from her breast and she was devastated at the loss of intensity. " _Please_ , James," she whined in protest, pulling his mouth to hers. If she couldn't have his fingers she wanted his mouth, and she wanted it hot and fast and now.

"Lily, _Lils_ ," James groaned into her insisted mouth. He struggled to get another word out with Lily nipping and sucking at his lower lip, bruising it tenderly, her body pushing ruthlessly against his. Her breasts met his chest, his cock immediately finding the warm welcome of her clothed apex.

"James, _fuck_ , please." She was wanton; without abandon. She was liquid in his hands.

James pulled away again, clutching her face in between his hands, panting against her mouth, searching her face obsessively, trying to find her insecurity so he could kiss it away. But Lily was at the crest of her impertinence, her hands slipping to his lower back, grasping, moaning, "James, _please_."

His thumbs stroked her cheeks, his lips trailing her jaw. "Please, what?" he asked quietly, raising his gaze to hers.

Lily's eyes burned, the shadowy green of a deep forest, and he saw that her thoughts of not being _good_ enough gone from her mind − if only for the moment.

"Fuck me," she breathed.

James groaned. "Bloody _hell_."

He wasted precious little time shoving them back down onto the bed, reaching to grasp the edges of her lacy underwear and skimming them down her legs. And then she was completely naked, elbows propped against the mattress, long, long legs spread slightly to reveal the honeysweet curls between, her breasts heavy with desire, skin flush and nibbled where his mouth had spent time, her lips parted to allow heavy breaths, her hair unruly and crimson, feathering her shoulders.

She was stunning.

Lily felt his stare dissecting her, not unlike how she'd been observing herself in the mirror, but the difference was undeniable. His eyes were blurry with what she could only identify as _love_ , and it humbled her. James skimmed his hands up her legs, stimulating gooseflesh all along the way, and he moved forward until he was amid her thighs, his fingers brushing her cunt, and Lily's eyes sealed shut in ecstasy.

Painstakingly slow, he slid one finger inside. Lily gasped. " _Yes_."

James leaned close to her, brushing their lips together languidly. Lily grasped at his face with her hands. "I wish I could find words, Lily," he murmured, her hands gliding into his hair, her eyes opening to find his. "To help you see what I'm seeing," he kissed her again, his fingers stilling inside. "You are so smart, and so loving, and so kind," his kisses were so soft that she was whimpering beneath him, begging him to move his finger again. "And so godamn _sexy_ , Lils, you drive me crazy." As if to prove his point Lily inched upwards, craning her neck to capture his mouth harder, faster, desperate for release that he was so rudely delaying with his pretty words. Her hips bucked against his hand, the resulting friction prying a cry from her throat.

James tore his mouth from her bruising kiss. "Tell me where you want me."

"Inside," Lily gasped, spreading her thighs to accommodate him, twisting them around his bended knees. The sight of him hovering above her − sweat shimmering his chest, glasses slid half down his nose, his cock positively engorged, his face saturated with desire, desire for _her_ − gifted her a confidence she had never experienced, a confidence connected directly to the _effect_ she had on him. She replayed his words, his desperate pleas for her to hear him − and couldn't help but teem with love.

"I love you," her voice was mere underbreath, her eyes on his. "So irrationally."

"And I love you," James reached his hand stroke her jaw. "So irresponsibly."

With his free hand, James positioned his erection so the swollen head brushed against her soft curls, a contact that sprung groans from each end. And then, tortuously slow, he pushed his entire length inside of her, Lily's head falling back against the pillows, her face contorting in gratification. "Holy hell," she exhaled.

James braced himself on her knees, keeping his tempo unhurried to begin, sliding his hips in and out between her thighs, Lily clenching around him ruthlessly, her sounds of contentment driving him forward, forward. Beneath him she tried to watch where their bodies met but fell backward continually, moans consuming her, hair thrashing with every movement. James could tell her lack of control was driving her absolutely mental, and couldn't help but smirk. Her hips arched to better meet his thrusts, one hand reaching to covering his while the other tugged at a tit messily, and it was making James wild and he wanted his mouth on it, so he crashed forward, latching his lips where he hands fled. Lily wrapped her legs around his waist, her hands flying to his back, grasping, her nerve endings afire with James' mouth adoring her tits, every push of his hips sending a firecracker through her veins.

The slow was absolute torture. She needed _speed_. She pled, " _faster_ , James."

He granted her speed, her subsequent gasping a good indication that she appreciated the increase in stroke, their bodies pressed together length for length, their mouths meeting ferociously in the middle. The scorching contact was short lived, James breaking away to moan her name and it was positively the sexiest thing she'd ever heard, the pressure mounting in her lower stomach skyrocketing with every movement of his hips.

"Lily, _shit_ ," James rumbled. "Will you get on top? I want you to feel _good_ , I want you to _explode_."

Lily didn't hesitate for even a second to honor his request, slipping out from beneath him so he could resituate, sliding his back against the headboard. She climbed immediately on top him, her hips hovering as she removed his glasses and tossed them on onto her bedside table. Then she sunk onto him, the new angle of access a staggering satisfaction for both. Lily leveraged herself closer to him, her hands reaching to brace on the headboard behind them, his fingers clutching at her hips as she began to rock.

Recognizing the trust James had put in her, Lily took the tempo very seriously, her hips driving forward, forward, her hair falling around their connecting lips like a curtain. James was unbelievably close to climaxing just at the sight of working her way up and down his cock, her breasts heaving mercilessly, her eyes closing in bliss. He held her arse as sturdy as he could without hurting her, assisting the undulations of her hips, the slick gyrations promising a sweeter paradise with each second that passed.

Lily's pleasure sounds were becoming higher, more frantic, most desperate, her voice practically keening his name, "James, _fuck_ , James, that feels so _good_ ", and James' delirious moaning was sailing straight into the crook of her shoulder and neck, every sensation intensifying as they moved closer to the edge; the slap of skin against skin, the unbelievable heat between their bodies, the smell of sweat and breath and sex.

"Sweet Jesus," James groaned, retreating from Lily's shoulder to find her eyes closed in concentration, her hips speeding up almost impossibly, the friction bringing them closer and closer to detonation. "Lily, look at me, I want to see your eyes," and she opened her eyes, the look of absolute abandon on her face nearly doing him in, she moved faster, faster, harder, faster, their foreheads thrust together, cries mingling, past and future forgotten, it was only the _now_ right up until the moment that they both went absolutely silent, mouths ajar, bodies electrified, gravity disregarded. _Euphoria_.

And when the glorious moment released them from speechlessness Lily sobbed a final time, her breath shuddering frantically from her chest, and James' head fell against the headboard, his eyes having previously rolled straight back into his head, his chest quivering. Lily rode out the waves of pleasure trembling through them gradually, her hips tilting and sinking painstakingly, every delicious stroke a reminder of the unexplainable peak they had just reached.

"God _damn_ ," was the only word James found he was able to speak before he grabbed Lily by the neck and kissed her, reverently, pouring all of his emotions into her, savoring the indescribable feeling of being sated inside of her.

Lily felt in his kiss the authentication of everything he'd told her, and she really was feeling rather beautiful in the aftermath, her cheeks flushed with elation, her heart still pounding. "James, that was..." she pulled away from him, breath rushing out, smoothing her fingers through his hair. She laughed, nervously. "Gods, I've _never_ felt that way before."

James' eyebrows met near his nose, his hands sliding tenderly down her back. "Lils, has no one ever...gotten you there?"

"I don't think so, I've never felt... _that_ ," Lily smiled, running ran her fingers across his lips. "I rather liked it."

" _Fuck_ ," James groaned, pulling her against him and burying his head in her neck. "I'm an awful sod of a boyfriend, aren't I?" He groaned again, the sound vibrating against her skin. "I haven't made you feel beautiful, and I haven't been shagging you till you see stars. I'm so sorry, Lils, _fuck_."

"Oh, c'mon," Lily laughed, digging his head up from her shoulder. "You're not an awful boyfriend. You just made me feel so beautiful _and_ made me see stars, okay?"

"Really?" James wondered quietly, hazel eyes burning.

"Yeah, you tosser," she laughed again, kissing him soundly, deeply, once, twice. She pulled back and looked at him. "Did you..." she was suddenly shy. "See stars?"

It was James' turn to laugh. "You're pretty think sometimes, you know that, right?" He saw her face fall slightly, misunderstanding. "Lily, sodding _hell._ I've never felt that way before either, okay? I knew you would be so much different, so much _better_ than anything else."

Lily rubbed her lips together, asking breathlessly, "best shag you've ever had, Potter?"

"By _fucking far_ ," he whispered, their mouths dangerously close.

Lily's mouth wrangled into a grin, which she brought against his lips to share, and then there was an abrupt stirring inside her, which effectively ended the whole conversation.

And neither of the pair gave a stray thought to the expensive black lace lingerie adorning Lily's bedroom floor for the rest of the evening.


End file.
